Emotional Connection

Emotional Connection

OK. I think it is pretty clear that guys have a deep seeded need for carnal satisfaction. I spoke earlier of biological determinism and got some comments including, “WTF is that?” “Aren’t you so smart?” “don’t use useless jargon ahole!” Gotta love the haters. Biological determinism boils down to the fact that all animals, humans included, have a need to promulgate their gene pool. Offspring ahole! Males look for opportunities and because males are capable of having babies throughout their lifetime they tend to be naturally prone to non-manogamy. In herd animals, the strength of the herd is paramount and thus, males fight for the right to breed…strengthening the herd as a whole. Females, who have a limited amount of eggs, tend to be nesters…trying to assure that their offspring live to adulthood, where their gene pool can procreate. That is biological determinism and it explains some of the reasons men and women behave differently. It explains why men are more violent, are attractive to breasts and hips (indicators of fertility) and less committed to staying with one mate.

Obviously, society has thrown a major set of constraints on biology. But, it is my opinion that they are rational and well thought out controls on our biological instincts. Society functions better with solid families. The common good outweighs the selfish desires of a society purely based on our biological desires.

So, in terms of online dating, the inscrutable “chemistry” that ladies seem to crave is high on their checklists. Guys pretty much look for less. For us, we need to remember one major factor before dating ladies our age. I am generalizing again, but for women, there usually has to be an emotional connection prior to a physical one. Now, many of my readers are saying “not the women I know” or are screaming at me saying how sexist I am. The “We need it just as much as men do” posse are not necessarily wrong, but the simple fact is…they are not men.

A comedian summed it up like this. Women may trade in all their security and possessions for a romp with Denzel or Brad. But a guy may do the same for the passed out sorority girl behind the dumpster. In general, women need more mental stimulation than men do. In that, I think we can agree. There is your challenge gentlemen. In the online space, how do you seduce their minds? For most ladies our age, you must do this before any moistening of the panties can occur.

First rule: You must be a man. Refrain from using emogis and text messages using phrase like “R U awake? Whassup?” or “I’m like 4ever gonna think uv U naked” You appear vapid, young and lazy.

Second rule: Be interested but also interesting. Encourage her with praise and flattery, but do not go overboard. You must make her feel sexy. But, when talking about yourself, tease her with material that will make her curious and likely to respond. “ Was in Costa Rica last year and saw a blue macaw.” “I was riding my Harley yesterday and hit a baby bunny. Almost crashed then cried like a baby.” “ I have a thing for Jordanian women. When I was there I came home with whiplash.” Each of these examples may lead to questions from your potential dates. I have asked similar type questions to women on different sites. I have broken down categories into age, physical desirability and web site. For example, on eharmony about 40% of women responded to the vulnerability text (the bunny). About 3% on Zoosk and zero on xswipes.com. Got a high percentage response from the attraction question (Jordanian women) on Tinder and GetanAffair.com. Got virtually none on Match.com and bumble. Other than from one Middle Eastern woman and one ex military member who asked me if I was a veteran.

Third rule: Live in the present. I can tell a woman that I won a trophy in high school for “Most All-around male athlete,” (which is true) but that is not going to turn on ladies our age. They are not looking to have kids with us, thereby considering your athleticism as good genes for our kids is irrelevant. She would be much more interested in how you built a treehouse for all the neighborhood kids to share in the big gnarled oak tree in your backyard. Or how you teach your daughter about random acts of kindness by paying for others at restaurants without any expectation or acknowledgment. I have had my daughter pick out the people recently. She loves it. Last week she got in the car and squealed “they will be so surprised! I wonder if they know it was us?” I asked her, “Does it matter?” She thought about it for a moment, and said “No. Just as long as they pay it forward.” I was so proud of her.

So remember to stimulate the women you target mentally first. That is actually why texts in the online space can help us ugly guys get past the first encounter. I need it to get her hopeful before her expectations are crushed by my appearance. Many of my pre online relationships were built on extended time together. Class, high school, college, work environments and the like. Once women get to know me, I get more attractive. The online world offers me no room for error.

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