On the Couch

The only couch I’m lyin’ on


I find that the famous saying, “know thyself” brings a certain reason to the situations we find challenging in life.  We really must need to recognize our limitations and enthusiastically pursue the things that make us happy.  While puppies, mint iced tea on a July afternoon and twenty something year old pussy are not attainable very often, we must embrace them when they happen.

Now that my audience thinks I am broken beyond redemption, I will try to reel them back.  Some might say therapy would be useful for me.  Some have said that after divorce, a grief period or period of mourning is natural and inevitable.  In most cases, we men soldier on and focus on work.  Whereas, the ladies I have spoken with or have dated have indicated almost to the one that therapy was part of their grieving process.  They seem to share the view that it helped them a great deal.  They felt more self-esteem, less guilty and more purposeful after therapy, whether it was a group situation or individual.

Whatever the reason, I applaud them for seeking help.  Maybe I am friends with the wrong men, but I would be hard pressed to imagine any of them seeking therapy as a coping mechanism.  Perhaps we are just wired differently.  We get our validation via different means and we certainly are far more reticent than our female counterparts (I think on that we all can agree).

But just as I had my near aneurism at the prospect of being considered a child molester by my ex, I was informed that it was not her mother that planted the seed in my daughter, it was her therapist. My daughter has a therapist?  Are you freaking kidding me?  Where on God’s green earth is that coming from?  What is her mother thinking?  Yes, some children are traumatized by their parents’ divorce.  I get that.  But why let some half-wit, ivory tower, let me get some material to write about in “Psychology Today” person work with my daughter?  Why would this person plant that insidious, evil seed inside her head?  How could she not see how devastatingly damaging that idea could be for a child? 

I initially intended to have a strongly worded conversation between her car and my bat, but allowed a phone call to my lawyer intercede.  Boy, when you need validation, this guy is the bomb.  After telling me he would bring some bricks and a tire slashing tool, he told me that there were other ways of dealing with “the bitch.”  He told me that instead of using her name in correspondence or phone calls, the therapist will simply be referred to as “the bitch” moving forward.

So, as we plan out legal strategy, he asks me why I am letting my ex off the hook so easily.  He hates my wife with a passion; far more than I do, frankly.  I guess it has to do with the fact that instead of having a conversation with me about our marriage that might get a tad uncomfortable, she decided simply to have me served papers. I was caught completely off guard.  She did not even have the decency to let me know it was happening.  How is that for “non-confrontational?”  I just hope that this passive aggressive, therapy seeking vindictiveness skips a generation or is not passed down to my little girl. But instead of just hoping, there is one for certain, go to strategy that never fails me.  I am a terrific Dad.  I am an active parent.  I have my eye on the ball.  My daughter will know I love her, will protect her and will always keep her best interests in mind throughout all of my life.  I will remind her that if Mommy skips one payment to this therapist, she will not ever see her again.  I will always be there.  Anything she wants to tell the bitch in that room, she should feel comfortable telling me. Hopefully, she will take me up on it.

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