So, it seems to me I need to make something clear. My online dating life may seem rather unseemly and promiscuous to some of my readers. Mea Culpa. However, I must reveal that before becoming single several years ago, and even after becoming single, I was literally celibate for nearly ten years. This is true. There are no exaggerations nor hyperbole in this blog. I had not had sexual relations for the last seven years of my marriage and for the first two after the divorce.
This may seem rather extreme, but my sex life was nil and it was not by choice I assure you. My loveless marriage was a partnership of parenting and that is all.
Along the way, I seem to have missed the men’s meeting. Apparently, during my hiatus from physical intimacy, the men of the country all came together to create a manifesto of rather new sexual norms. This detailed document. to which I was not privy, has changed the rules of the sexual game. Evidently, women are now required to shave their hoo-has, in some case wax them completely. Dolphins, hummingbirds and or flowers must be tattooed somewhere in close proximity to the privates and contraceptives are frowned upon. Women seem to believe that deep throating a guy is what he wants and are proud to declare that even prior to getting physical. And what is the deal with cumming on the face? I have to believe that porn has a great deal to do with this but I am baffled by the new rules.
Hopefully, my readers have come to the conclusion that I have been with a number of sluts, and as a result, have probably contracted several gruesome STDs. And many of you believe that it serves me right. Perhaps you are right. Perhaps I have chosen the low hanging fruit in an attempt to make up for the years of dormancy I experienced. Then again, for the years I stared down biological determinism, I have to say that my will is strong, and I am still holding out hope for love.
A man’s desire for sex is biologically wired in us. As many Priests can attest, our prurient urges tend to overwhelm even the most pious of us. For me, to quote Bill Hicks, “It will take a special woman…or…a bunch of average ones.” I am hoping that when that special one comes along, I will be emotionally available and man enough not to ask, “do you want it on the face or on the tits?”