The Catcher’s Mitt
So, I left us with some questions to ponder and it is imperative we don’t discount the last one. There is the sense, particularly with women, that their exes are out their boning every nineteen year old in their neighborhood…or at least all the MILF sluts throwing themselves at guys after their own divorces. I know that I am generalizing, but women talk and judge each other. For every knitting session, there is one woman who says that she just needs a good rodgering to soothe her mind. The common understanding is that the ex has introduced the new girlfriend to the world and she needs to do some catching up…or at least have a bona fide hate fuck that will be directed at all males who have done her wrong.
This is why, fellas, you never ever, even though it is tempting to, let your sex life be broadcast to the world. You must let your ex think that you are pining away in your abode, lonely and couch bound. This may sound, to my female readers, to be a petty and juvenile tactic by a small-minded, sex crazed lunatic. I may be all of those things, but I want my ex-wife to be happy. By keeping my private life private, I let her move on and even let her think I still hold a candle to her. I know what you are thinking…so here you are on this blog inviting the world into your sex life. Hypocritical? Perhaps, but the intention is not to wound my ex wife, but rather, it is to educate and inform readers of ways to move on. Sex is only part of the puzzle, and indeed, a tricky one at that.
Which brings us to the online dating world. For every Match.com, Zoosk and EHarmony site, there are also sites like XSwipes, BeDiscreet, GetanAffair.com and Tinder that allow our more prurient selves be satisfied. We need not do what the ladies who are looking for romance do. While they write brilliant, witty profiles, (which we seldom read BTW), and try to find the normal-ish male who can write a sentence, refrain from sending shirtless or dick pics, and be employed, we simply need to be able to spot the desperate, vulnerable woman who will provide us with what we need.
When we are looking to settle down with a truly deserving woman, the tactics will be different. There will be the first text that says something like…”looking to find a lady who will allow me to love her and worship the goddess that she is.” Our photos will be thoughtful and include puppies and outdoor candids.
For the guys and gals who are in pain because their exes are getting it on, just remember the things you could not stand after a while. If his ever expanding gut and ever infrequent erections left you bored and angry…realize that it is someone else’s problem now. If her pussy resembled a well- used hairy catcher’s mitt, picture the face of the poor guy who turns on the light en flagrante.