There is nothing worse than a divorcee droning on about the vindictiveness and worthlessness of their ex. It is a petty and pointless exercise. Friends just nod in acceptance hoping that the victimhood ends soon and therapists and colleagues feel not only disinterested but also uncomfortable respectively. On to victimhood. There is a major problem in this country. All the women I offended in my previous post have their antennae up. First, let me say that the MeeToo Movement is worthwhile and very necessary. As an athlete in college, I was exposed to some unabashed, mysoginistic behavior that was not only accepted but encouraged and promoted to flourish. And this was at an extremely liberal and progressive college.
But while movements like this shine a light on the plight of the marginalized, they also seem to breed this overwhelming thirst for retribution in the form of victimhood. I am not getting into the Ford-Kavanaugh sweepstakes of who was more victimized. But it sickened me that the reputations of two successful people became a political football where neither would come out unscathed.
I am going to keep my eye on the ball. There are other movements whose bedrock principles are grounded in the victimhood dynamic. But we are focused here on another topic entirely.
Look, everyone who has been in a divorce, particularly if the marriage was a long one, has come out on the other end with some battle scars. But carrying the cross of victim is not doing anyone any favors. Instead, lick your wounds and move forward. Focus on the future and learn from the past.
Anyone who claims or puts forth the façade that their marriage or relationship is devoid of even a little bit of dysfunction is deluding themselves. We grew up in a time where the Osmonds, Mandrells and Waltons were the model for wholesome, wonderful, All-American families. We can see how that all turned out. But even if TV land does not imprint its branding of familial perfection into your worldview, we still have fairy tales teaching our kids about “Happily ever after…” Which is never defined and never explained. It would be too murky and complicated.
So, some questions to ponder for this post.
How is your past keeping your future from happening?
Why is playing the victim so seemingly important to people? Does the moral high ground have some sort of magical elixir that cures all the pain and jealousy divorce creates?
How does fucking a virtually complete stranger tell you something about how you are coping?